Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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