I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
