i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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