dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize