Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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