and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
