Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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