I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
