Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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