is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
