It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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