You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize