Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm having to shit out rocks
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
