you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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