I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
dude. I can hear the air.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
