im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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