I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
