I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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