Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
