Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
