I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
