so explain again why im purple
no
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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