I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
