I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
