2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
