I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
