I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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