Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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