I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am mentally ready for anal.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There are leaves in my underwear?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
