Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
