found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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