How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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