My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you guys were way drunker than both of me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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