Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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