i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
