I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
