Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
