I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
