apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
