Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
