you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She needs sedatives and a leash
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Randomize