walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
