oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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