I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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