party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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