Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
