i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
