Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
