I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
