May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
