im having a threesome with these popsicles
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
