....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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