The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
