I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
