living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
