I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
