So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
