you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
