If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
