she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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