I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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