A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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