I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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