In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That reminds me...we need to get swords
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
