No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
