I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
