OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
