I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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