listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
