I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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