I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
