I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
