Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize