Someone shit on the floor
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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