I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
