no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
